Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
