Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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