I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
