My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
