My friends, they love my intelligence
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
