hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
