I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
