ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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