Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
