How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
