i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
