u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
