Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
