3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
