Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
