I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
