You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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