Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
