I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
