the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
its liver damage thursday
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
