it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
