he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
