and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
