Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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