Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
try to milk me bitch
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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