I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
