fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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