um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
