mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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