Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
