I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Your cock deserves a montage
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
