i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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