so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
