Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Four minutes until I can fart!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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