i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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