If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
