apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
