summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
