Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
