well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
