When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
