There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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