Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
