i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
