I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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