i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
