Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
