I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
