I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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