Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
