I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
