ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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