I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
