Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
