i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
