so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
